10 Sep

In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and directly after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered additionally the sentence into the essay has been colour coded to correspond to the fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will allow you to understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language is needed for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

At the present time, the people of some countries includes a comparatively large number of young adults, weighed against how many the elderly. Perform some advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with additional young people than old people. Even this fact may have both pros and cons, for me the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks giving examples to support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people could lead to too little professionals into the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to young one, that is being why they have had more time to study a professional career during their lives. For instance, to be a specialist physician it really is needed at the very least 10 years of university studies and this may possibly not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a complete lot in life and so they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher level of crime, this might be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile indicated that when you look at the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice more than into the north where a lot of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more energetic and more happy. This might be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the reality that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, using this they can subscribe to the economy of the country, earning money in place of spending. For instance, it is a fact that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health due to their citizens that are old. Another positive element of having young adult populations is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people do have more some time more energy than old individuals to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer all of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years of age. With old people there would be no time to start an activity career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities as well as more prone to be involved in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.

To conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly think that the benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. And even though, there are positive components of having an older population
that people should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with additional people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact might have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will discuss the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to pay for essay guide both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Try to vary your usage of vocabulary if you’re able to.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals into the society. Older population may be more educated than the young one, this really is being why LR2 that is( they usually have had more hours to study an expert career throughout their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a specialist physician it is needed at least 10 years of university studies and also this may possibly not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a lot in life (LR5) plus they may be much more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can assist to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile (TR5) revealed that within the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than in the north where a lot of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

CC2 – the right phrase to introduce very first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce a good example.
TR4 – Good to add an illustration to support your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have not yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit on the side that is informal but lovely natural use of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to aid your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – in addition to noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations are in general more active and more happy. This might be because (CC5) they have less old age-associated illness leading them to the office more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, using this they can play a role in the economy associated with country, earning profits in the place of spending (GR4) . For instance, it is a fact that old societies fork out a lot of money in health with regards to their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive element of having young adult populations is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old people to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no right time to start a sport career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be because they are more proactive in organize those activities and also almost certainly going to participate in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.

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